The Haunted Tavern

Theresa May MP unveils her new look (or is it Regan from The Exorcist?)

Halloween is fast approaching, and as regular taverners and friends will know, I hold the horror genre in high regard. So let me take on the role of The Soberius Tavern crypt keeper and delve into my top five horror films of all time. Perhaps if you are feeling brave, and fancy some terror of the fictional variety as opposed to the many miseries of everyday life, you could watch a few of these as All Hallow's Eve approaches, or on the night, if you are uber-brave.... cackle cackle,sinister laugh, cackle.....

1.The Exorcist

I'm with Kermode on this. In my opinion this is the greatest horror film of all time. I cannot really explain why, as it's a humourless film, with some stodgy sections. However, it really captures an all pervading sense of evil like no other movie. It concerns the horrendous demonic possession of a little girl Regan by an evil demon, and eventual exorcism by a priest. Cue pea soup vomiting, masturbation with a crucifix,spinal taps (ouch!) and some really foul language. Shocking Stuff even now. Well Acted, with Linda Blair exceptional as Regan. Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells adds to the nightmarish autumnal mood conjured up by director William Friedkin. Be sure to watch the Director's Cut, as this has the restored spider walk, a truly unsettling scene.

2.The Haunting (1963 version)

The greatest haunted house film ever. (although as I've mentioned before, Susan Hill's The Woman In Black on stage is the supreme winner of the horror genre). Robert Wise, of The Sound Of Music fame, directs this story of a group of psychic researchers who get more than they bargained for, when they investigate the haunting of Hill House. The house is a sprawling gothic mansion, and the stunning b/w photography makes it seem more like a living entity. You see virtually nothing but the sound is legendarily nightmarish. The less said about Jan De Bont's glossy remake, the better. Standout scene, who can forget the scene when one of the sleeping researchers finds her hand held by...something ghastly. They don't make horror films this good anymore.

3. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974 version)

The current dubious craze for Gorno/Torture Porn films has nothing on this masterpiece of 70's exploitation cinema which still makes me gasp on every viewing. Taking some ideas from the real life Ed Gein murders, this tells the story of a group of Scooby Doo-ish teenagers who trespass on a rural texas farm. The "close" family of cannibalistic murderers who live there, duly proceed to kidnap, torture and graphically murder nearly all of them. Of course, under Texas trespass laws, this would be barely breaking the law. Utterly relentless and incredibly violent, (although no gore is shown) this is for hardcore fans only. The image of Leatherface waving his chainsaw in the air is an enduring icon of horror cinema.

4. Don't Look Now

Artsy, and not to everybody's taste, this film from Nic Roeg is deeply disturbing. It even takes one of the world's most beautiful cities, Venice and makes it look like the stuff of nightmares. All dark alleways,cold canals and lonely corners. Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie excel as a couple who move to Venice to get over their daughter's horrific drowning death at home. It is there where the fragile Christie, befriends two downright disturbing sisters..one of whom is a medium. Meanwhile, Sutherland becomes obsessed with a red coated figure whom he thinks maybe the ghost of his daughter. The en famous 'did they do it really' sex scene is often commentated on. Most who turn into watch that entirely justified scene, cannot believe what a genuinely scary film this is. Timeless,Unique and devastating.

5.John Carpenter's The Fog (1980 version)

Compared to the other films mentioned, this is a lot more fun. The perfect film for Halloween,and in my view better than Carpenter's own Halloween. It's ghosts again but this time, they are of the murderous variety. A Clutch of long dead,leprous sea-men rise from the depths in a supernatural fog which rolls onto the small coastal town of Antonio Bay. They then hack and slash their way through the terrified townsfolk. A tad unfair, you might say, because these are only modern day descendants of the original townsfolk who they blame for their watery demise. A terrific dread filled Carpenter Score, great foggy atmosphere, jump scares aplenty and well used fleeting shots of gore and grue make this an undiscovered gem of 80's horror. Once again, avoid the B*ll*cks remake at all cost.

Just for the record, A top ten would include;

6. Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho

7.The Sixth Sense

8.The Shining

9.A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)

10.Eli Roth's Hostel

Happy Halloween taverners, and as a rotting corpse version of Nick Ross might say, Do Have Nightmares.......

The Triumphant Return Of PJ Harvey

I had the good fortune to see PJ Harvey (above) live in concert at The Royal Festival Hall on Saturday night,29 September. This was the 8th time I have seen her live over the years and she did not disappoint.

For anyone not familiar with the Royal Festival Hall on southbank, it is a very poncey venue where music is treated with almost sombre formality i.e you cannot gain re-admittance to the arena from the toilets until there is a suitable break in the proceedings. Frustrating, when the tickets cost forty quid, and you have had a few beers before hand. Despite the enforced snobbery, it has got brilliant acoustics and I had a reasonable view in the rear stalls.

This was PJ's first London gig in four years, so the fans were rightly excited and she got a huge reception when the tiny singer appeared on the stage. She immediately startled the audience, because she didn't have her band with her, and was going to give a one woman show. Dressed in a strange almost bridal Victorian white dress, with crazy curls hairstyle, she treated the audience to a short set by her standards (1 hr 3o mins) but the musical virtuosity on display made this a very striking gig. There were no special effects, but this was so atmospheric.

She is almost like a female Prince, due to her mastery of many different instruments, Blues Guitar, Bass, Electric Guitar, Piano, Celtic Harp and drum machine were all used tonight.

Polly's new album "White Chalk" is once again, a change in direction. It is largely piano based and has an almost celtic beauty to it. Vastly different to her last discordant punky guitar rock album "Uh Huh Her'. We were treated to the whole of the new album and plenty from her vast back catalogue including brilliant raw versions of 'Mansize' and 'Rid Of Me'.

Surprisingly, it was the new material which really stood out tonight, the haunting beauty of title song 'White Chalk' almost bringing a tear to the eye. The other highlights were new song 'The Devil' which sees Polly's voice soar to quite ridiculous heights. Quite amazing. There was also a gutsy version of the intense 'Big Exit' from her mercury music winner 'Stories From The City..Stories from the Sea'. My favourite album from PJ.

Another thing that surprised me about the gig, was that Polly seemed to be really enjoying herself, she came across as quite a warm personality, as she bantered with the audience. Not something she usually does! She must really like her new material.

Some of the audience booed when there was not a second encore, obviously too much beer before hand, and cultural philistines to boot. You see this snobbery is catching!

I also heard some malcontents muttering that crowd pleasers 'Dress' or 'Sheela na Gig' were not played. These songs are classics but the event was not billed as a greatest hits show, so kindly shut up. With eight studio albums, nine if you count The John Parrish collaboration to her name, you cannot please all of the people, all of the time.

This was an unusual, special concert that I will remember for a long time. Welcome back Polly, you have been away far too long.